Archive for September, 2012

Ooooohhhhh. Okayyy. I have this point in mind. I have so much to do with paperworks, assignments, projects, research, laboratory works—- stuffs like that. Well I’m not so sure if i’m doing my best in all areas like these but I’m half pretty sure that I’m doing all of these just to pass I mean just to finish all of these horrendous things in order for me to do things for my pleasure. But hey, I’m not finished yet. It’s just that, whenever, whatever I do, wherever I may go, I’ll just have to make sure that I’m bringing it all up to God and do it for His glory :)))))

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“HEAR MY LONG DISTANCE LULLABY”
“I have died everyday waiting for you.. Darling don’t be afraid I have loved you…
And all along I believed I would find you.. Time has brought your heart to me I have loved you…
For a thousand years…I love you for a thousand more…”

Days dragged by like months when I keep thinking of you. I wonder what you’re doing, if there’s some instances that you also come to think of me… Look, I know I’m being a jerk but there’s no way around that I couldn’t pass this messed up feeling. Sometimes I even close to matter I never want to face, but you see, I just couldn’t resist of missing you so bad, and that you’re always driving me crazy. Why? Is this really the feeling of being in love to someone so far away? It’s killing me softly. Yeah, really. 
Oh hey! Where am I now? Oh I almost forgot… How are you Yen? How are you doing? You know laughing was the last thing I felt like doing now as I reread the words I’d already wrote to you. My first letter, remember it? Till now, I just couldn’t believe that I’d finished that, send it to you, and I couldn’t imagine your reaction when you’ve read it. I just couldn’t deny the fact that I’m ashamed to give it to you, coz actually it put my teeth on edge just to think it to myself but I shuddered away from the thought and thank God. I’ve surpassed that struggle! It’s done and now I’m making another letter again. For the girl whom I always crave to see, to be with, and to be mine. Hopefully, someday… somewhere.

You know, I’ve always thought that I’d be ready to be strong enough… but sometimes I just felt like to give up. But now you came and you change my whole world and that’s why I just can’t let you go. It’s seems like you’ve always been a part of me… and that letting you go would never make my life whole again. Well I’m not saying, that my world is only you, but the point is.. my world, would never be complete without you living on it because my love, isn’t just finding someone I can’t live with but finding someone I can’t live without.

Well maybe, this is just how the way love works. The first time, I fall in love… it changes my whole life and the horrendous part of it is that, it never goes away. It wasn’t something you ever really got used to. It seemed oddly inevitable, though but it kept coming back for me and the hardest part of it is that, you expected anything from it, imagine everything even the impossible ones, though you know it may just end into a dead end and I’ve always been afraid of what it would be. Happily-ever-after? Or just once-in-a-lifetime? Am I worth it? AM I REALLY WILLING TO TAKE THE RISK?

First, you caught my eye. Then you caught my heart. I’ve always been dumbfounded by the thought of it. Sometimes, I come up to an idea to slap my face coz it sounds like I am crazy, having hallucinations, illusions, delusions, daydreams!!! But there’s only one girl that’s drowning my mind. And of course, it’s you. Sometimes, I just can’t concentrate though it seems like I’m always busy doing things on my own, stuffs like this and like that, but trust me. There isn’t a day that I don’t think about you and that, there’s no other person who misses you like me.. every day, and every other day.

Does it break my heart? Of course. Every moment of every day, into more pieces than what my heart was made of. Sometimes, I just really want to cry, I don’t know why it’s so painful to think but then it’s not the end of the world and I know there’s still more remains to be done. You know what, everyday, I praying for you to be safe, to be okay, safe and sound wherever you go coz the fact is that I may not go to see you as often as I like, I may not get to hold your hand (asa pako)… but deep in my heart, I truly know, you’re the only one in my heart and there’s no way I could ever let you go…

The big deal is… why am I afraid to lose you… when you’re not even mine? Well after all, you’ve offered me friendship and I’m accepting it all for you because I’ll always love you. At some point, liking someone doesn’t mean you have to be lovers, sometimes you just have to be friends for a while and when the right time comes that you’d be ready to make a choice to whomever won your heart. I’d be ready. I will always be and I would fully respect it whatever it is if it’ll for your own happiness…. The last thing is maybe you may not feel this special feeling I have for you… If you do, it’s gonna hurt. But I want you to know that I’m always here waiting to be loved by you. Hoping that tomorrow will be me and you…..

*This was the 2nd letter that I’m taking about.
The part 2 of the letter “Love or Infatuation?”

Maybe We’re Finally Over. :'(

Posted: September 24, 2012 in Love and Remorse

Well for now I really don’t have any idea if he does still care or not. 
If he just know, how much I care and crave for him though It’s 
pretty obvious that I still have so much paperworks, lab reports, stuffs like that and all!!! But then again, it looks like he doesn’t even care for my existence right now. Not just like the old days, those moments, the memories i could still remember. I’m afraid, that it would never ever be the same AGAIN. :(((

I hope you understand. 
I miss you so bad :'(((((

This was a love letter that i’ve written for my friend’s sake (because he’s courting a girl.) you know. hahaha. lol

 
In an instance, I don’t know what I am going through. I feel like I’m lost in the middle of nowhere… searching for something I really don’t know. It was a blur. An eerie feeling that you just can’t resist. I could sense the stillness and numbness of my body that even a distraught shake can’t make me realize what am I going through. There was the imprisoned stiffness of movement and the staggered onslaught of thoughts drowning my mind. My heart at that time was slippery and hot… and loud… so loud so loud!!!
I couldn’t really tell you exactly what’s going on with me during that time… but that was truly how I feel way back the first time I met you…. A spectacularly remarkable flash… From then on my heart’s having an electric shock… everytime I set my eyes upon your face. It was heaven… right smack in the middle of hell!!!
You had the face of an angel… so stunning… I almost forgot how to breathe… and that undeniably killer smile… it was as though my heart stopped beating… and most of all you had charming eyes behind that eyeglasses… so attractive it mesmerized me… and I strongly believe that there is something in you that I want to know about… something store in you that would make my love for you so strong. A character that is incomparable and unrivaled. You really won my heart.
I’ve waited for so long… not that long but yeah actually it was hard to track exactly when the last time I fell in love with a girl was. But as far as I am concerned, it was more than a few years ago, and it was a very embarrassing moment, so horrendous that I couldn’t tell you precisely what really happened. If I must’ve been dreaming, it was a nightmare after all. We weren’t been in a relationship, because it will never happen to the fact that she didn’t really like me in the first place, absolutely far from her not-that-high level of standards by which very outlying compared to myself… not just even MU (‘mutual relationship’ as everybody defines but for me it’s just this ‘malabong usapan!’). Since then, I didn’t feel like having a crush on someone, or attempting to court them, something like that… because I don’t want to be hurt anymore, feel that pain once again , and do it all again. It’s a pact to myself. Why push someone to love you when they don’t want to love you back and worst don’t really care about you? Oh c’mon. But the funny thing was, I hated myself because of that incident. The fact is I was this FAT and I reckon, no girl will ever like me, or adore me because I am this FAT. Fat enough to be thrown away by them, rejected, and abandoned. 
Oh well… just forget what I’ve been shared a while ago, because it’s awkward and nonsense. It’s haunting my memory, you know. But that philosophy of mine started to change, when I met you. I know its hard for you to believe it but its true. I don’t know what’s really in you that make me feel that way, but that was really is it. I may not know, but I could actually feel it. And I couldn’t deny it to myself, I couldn’t just torture my heart and convince myself that I don’t miss you, care for you and that I don’t love you when it does actually! I hope you’ll understand the way I feel for you now..
You know what, it’s really hurts for me know to that a man named Ric Gilbert Viente who’s also my friend was able to get ahead of me. The first one who got your name, address, age, birth date and most of all cell phone number. How about me? What am I going to do? Just hide my feelings? Hold it back again? How could I manage such feeling of love and remorse? Am I worth it? At that instance bits and pieces of floating despair occurred through me. 
At first I don’t understand. I feel like I’m almost dying.Is it the end of the world? I failed to understand few things. Even if its just FEW THINGS. But a sudden realization hit me, NEVER GIVE UP. These words just keep on twisting and turning in my mind all over and over again. I don’t want to lose, even if its fair losing. You’re no ordinary girl. A kind of girl any man would crave for and I’m proud of being one. 
Then here comes our story. It all started with a text… and you don’t know how it feels like rolling in the floor like crazy shouting your first text? And you know that until now, my butt is aching because of it? Haha! Well never mind about the ‘butt’ thing though, but it’s just how I express my wondrous feeling upon seeing your first text. How much more if there’s anything better than that? What about meeting face-to-face? Am I going to slap my face to be able to speak in case that I can’t manage to talk through paralyzed lips? What a thought.
Right now, I’m looking forward for us, just being friends for a while. I just want you to know that I am not in a hurry. Whenever you have problems, just don’t hesitate to share it to me, coz I’ll try my best to give you my profound advice. I’ll be always here. I care for you Yen, and I’ll always love you. No matter what happened. Smile danay.hahaha XD
Will Always Be Loving You Even a Hundred Four Months will Pass,
*TOTO
 
*not his real name.
 
 
EPILOGUE (as if naman story te? hahaha)
After this first letter, I have wrote another one but sadly, I forgot to secure a copy of it and I don’t know where else would I be able to recover it, but anyway, my friend didn’t continue his journey towards courting that girl because she didn’t even liked him in the first place and besides she’s loving anyone else. owwwww??? Poor Friend!!!! 
 
#thiswasfirstpostedonmyblog
@allrightsreserved2012

#PleaseReadThistoknowMeMore

Posted: September 22, 2012 in Love and Remorse

It’s been already more than 5 years since I have this thing in mind of becoming a Writer. Oh well, considering that I’m kinda shy esp. when talking to Public, I would rather prefer to just stay aside, with a pen in hand and start writing anything under the sun. Absolutely, I have my own style of writing, I really like to write things most preferably in my own experiences, and I definitely try hard to have my readers relate and reflect with whatever stuff I cared to wrote about. Well, I have to stop at this point right now, coz I’m about to begin my first ever blog here. So, I hope and I pray that this would be a beginning of something, something that would enlighten my way to reach what I have had been dreaming of, the dream of becoming a freelance Writer. @allrightsreserved2012